If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
