I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
