i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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