i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar