My Higher Power is John Stamos
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.