So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?