Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
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It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing