Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize