you guys were way drunker than both of me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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