I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
