she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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