i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
