why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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