wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
