I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
