Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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