I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
