I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
