dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
