M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
