You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
