a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
