Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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