so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
