the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
