at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
