I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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