It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
