Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
