At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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