Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
