someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
