I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
