My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
