So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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