It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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