You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
