I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
