And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just pee around me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
