he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
