Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
