It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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