Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
