You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
