my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
