we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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