Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
as a side note pls kill me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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