happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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