omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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