i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
