come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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