How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize