How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
