member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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