It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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