I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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