anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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