All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
