Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
