In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
