I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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