i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
4 words: hood of his car
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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