Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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