real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
